‘Self-Love’ is not a bubble bath

“Self love is the best medicine.” — Paul Fishman — Life Coach.

I know what you’re thinking,
‘Self love is not a bubble bath? *visions the most perfect bubble bath moment*
“what’s not to love about a lavender infused bubble bath on a wet Sunday afternoon, after a wholesome forrest walk with your partner who is now delicately singing Christmas songs downstairs as he begins making the perfect Sunday roast. — Hear me out.

Previously before beginning this article I’ve had a big realisation in the last 24 hours.
There is a big difference between momentary self-care to actual self-love.

My realisation came about when I recently and for the first time, bought an massage treatment for myself on Treatwell — Actually, first massage I’ve ever had. (I know, wow.)
Now to put you in my head for a second, quite honestly this year has been one of the worst of my life, mentally.
I have truly lost control with my mind, my body — my hair is thinning, I’m feeling very run down and overall my stress management is none existent.
My sister was going for massage and asked me to join, I thought, Okay wow, I should go for one too, right? ‘I need to work on my self-love, let’s do it.’
First off, it was £60..
My head: Wow okay, but can I really afford this?
My heart: I mean the money is there, so yeah technically, you deserve this downtime for once!
..Um, right, er.. okay, sign me up!
On the way to the massage I was battling with the regret of parting with £60 for something that was literally an hour and when money is somewhat of an issue for me at the moment, I was now walking to this hour of self-indulgence when I should perhaps be looking for more work instead!
When I arrived, I couldn’t shrug the regret I was feeling for booking this appointment however the voice in my head was slightly hushed down by the company of my sister who was simply just very excited and nothing else!
During the massage, thoughts were floating around my mind.

If I was on more money, I could actually treat myself to occasions like this..
But closely followed was, well if you weren’t lying on this massage bed right now wasting money, you could actually be finding more work!

When leaving the massage salon my sister was smiling from ear to ear
“Wow! Wasn’t that incredible.. I feel great!”
Whereas my thoughts were the complete opposite! How is it that I just can’t relax and accept this form of self-care.. Like I can’t even get self-love right!?

The thing is, YES self-care is great, it doesn’t have to be expensive if you do feel guilty about the expense. It literally can just be a bubble bath, however, if you sit and worry whilst in the tub because you feel you should be doing other things or that you’re too stressed to simply relax (hashtag, me) self-care is not self-love and if you aren’t align with both of these together, self-care will feel more like an ordeal with you like it has for me.
So how do we get around this?
We are all on our self-love journey right; it’s not a final result but we ARE all in different phases of it and although my sister had enjoyed the massage after a long shift and working as a dental hygienist, I spent the day feeling very low, lost and even the thought of a bubble bath became self-indulgent — something I didn’t feel worthy of — self sabotaging myself. As a result? Ultimate guilt blah blah blah. I’m tired of it.
Let’s start this day again, prior to the massage.
I’m in a rut, I feel stuck, I feel lost and ‘this year has been the worst ever, urgh!’
Now you would have seen my articles previously that I have been very big on self-development, well being and understanding that I have a tool box FULL of ways in which you can feel brighter and happier in life!
This year? I’ve lost my sense of self. I really have, so as previously I mentioned earlier ‘in the last 24 hours’ my realisation hit once again — The thick of the fog was clearing and why do I feel like this? I have been narrating my life with such heavy and negative language of ‘who I am this year’ and basically deciding to be negative and to be lost because I’ve literally told myself that this is me!
What was I changing though but feeding those thoughts to myself? Nothing but simply telling those around me that I’m having a nightmare of a time, so without change what will I get? A nightmare of a time and nothing else.
A bubble bath or a massage won’t fix the way I feel, the deep root of how I’m feeling needs to be addressed so I can move on.. A bubble bath won’t fix my thoughts on my self worth. I need to take real action and I can right now by 3 little things. Finding a quiet place or ringing a close person to you to talk through the following.. Ensure that they’re there to only listen. (vocalising does wonders for your mentality).

Firstly I need to live in the present, right now, address it.. What is going on?
Being present is the first step in to taking action. When that fog clears a little that is. You realise that you have a low self esteem due to what you’re doing in your daily life so note what you’re doing and how you can revise and change that. Perhaps not really eating the best foods and that will effect your mood, eating cleaner will be better for your mind and your body — self-love.

Secondly, take accountability — So for example, money. Am I trying to manifest a good job without any action? Am I unhappy with areas of my life but not willing to do anything about it? Be accountable of the work you put in to getting a good job. Truly I’m not doing enough realistically so am I wasting time by moaning and wasting energy on that. What works, what doesn’t.

Thirdly acceptance.. You’re human. It’s okay to feel low, we are going through a pandemic.
Accept. You are worthy. You don’t need a lot of money, a flashy car..
I love and accept this, I am good with what I have now.. You’re trying your best in life, etc.
I find that my mind is less foggy simply by slowing down and processing what is happening in my life. That is exactly how I have lost my way. By avoiding how I am feeling.
Self love is a practice, to work on everyday. To structure your life and to really think about the now and the changes to be made. What’s your narrative, the thoughts that you feed yourself? What daily activities are you doing everyday? Is procrastination a problem for you? Look in to that, address it and change it — that is part of that practice. Try exercising — (for your mind). Giving to those in need, create little to-do lists that are realistic so you feel a sense of accomplishment.

So currently? It’s like I have a broken bed for instance. I am basically sitting in front of said tool box and I know what’s inside of it. It took me a while this year to open it back up again because of points of feeling that I don’t know if I can even fix it. Sometimes it can feel overwhelming, partly because there are so many different tools in there and I don’t what the tools do anymore.

What else could I do, continue to sit here? With a broken bed? Or open it up, have a look at which tools will help me fix it. Explore what might work.

When you manifest what you want out of your life by taking the small steps in feeling good in yourself and loving your self you’ll sit there in that bath one day, closing your eyes, smiling from ear to ear after a productive and positive day and think, Yes. This is me time. This feels bloody great for me. I like to treat my body that I love so much like this. It feels good because I deserve to feel good.
Life doesn’t change over night, this is a process that I myself is going through but by believing in your small progress, taking on daily rituals that are going to help you to really feel that love for yourself? Everything else will run smoother for you. That is a promise.

P.s Here are some of my affirmations for this month!
(If you’re new to affirmations, set yourself a goal of 3 days just trying them out and say to yourself throughout your day at least 50 times — after those 3 days, think about how you are feeling?)

I am love, I am light, I am strong, I am bright.

I love and accept myself.

You’ve got this!

Come and find me over on instagram at — @emilinalove